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Pilot

My name is CUJO. I'm tattooed, scrawny, and long-haired, and highly opinionated. That's my introduction.

I got a million things to rant about. Lets start with vegetarians. Now, history has taught us ONE THING. It's that MEAT EATERS eat PLANT EATERS. If those Veggienazis wanted to save those bug-eyed stupid walking shit-factories, they'd volunteer to be eaten. Would a vegetarian taste good? Why not try one and find out? Might be a bit gristly, but fuck, that's why God gave us canine teeth right?

Feminists.... yeah yeah we get it, you can do the same job as us men, you're 'equal,' Now shut the fuck up and show us your tits already. It's OK, I like small ones too. And fat girls. I'm all about the equality.

Rosie O Donnell: God I hate this yappy bitch. Her mouth looks like you could fit a watermelon, a walrus cock, and a whole pig carcass, and still have room to park a Mac truck on her tongue. Jeez this bitch gets on my nerves. She's not a role model to women, she's not a comedian, she's barely even human. Rosie O Donnell was that fat bitch everyone knew in Elementary School that yelled at the other kids all day and then told the teacher when that didn't work. What a bitch.

McDonalds: Contrary to what everyone says, their food ain't so bad. (Although I did eat a possum once that smelled like an old woman's cunt and described it as 'tasty.') But LOSE THE CHILD MOLESTER CLOWN already.

George Bush: The guy's such a fuck-giraffe that I'm not even laughing at the GEORGE BUSH IS STOOPID jokes anymore. Just execute him already.

Rap Music: What's that mushmouth? I can barely understand your garbled ebonics! Maybe if you didn't encourage black people to be stupid and buy worthless clothes and 'bling' all day long, All ya'lls wouldn't be living in the projects no more! And I hope Fiddy Cent gets molested by a gorilla. Fucking idiot.

Cops and Government: Yeah keep patting yourselves on the back for busting another grow-op! It's not like our streets are overrun with pedophiles and crack dealers. AND QUIT DICKING ME AROUND WITH MY JOB.

I'm too tired to waste more time on this but believe me more is forthcoming.