I have an idea, why not make more shitty soft drinks?
It appears that
Pepsi and Coca Cola can never stop competing. It will always be war on who makes
the better soda. Back in the day competing meant trying to outdo each other with
a better tasting product. NOT ANYMORE. Apparently both companies are at war to
see who can produce the most repulsive tasting vomit. They're doing a great job,
at failing. Everyday I see a new whore on TV that they hired to show us the
drink in between her tits. I admit it is a nice way of advertising a product,
but do keep in mind that it doesn't mean she likes the drink because she's
advertising it, it only means she's getting paid a shitload behind the counter
as well as plenty of paid vacations (orgasms). Without further interruption,
let's begin the analyzation.
PEPSI BLUE: It was released sometime in Year 2002 to try and outdo Vanilla coke. That's why Pepsi Vanilla was released way after coke's version. Get the fuck-up? I know I do. The minute that shit touched my tounge I felt like someone shoved a plunger into my ass and nailed my dick into the wall. It tasted so bad. I was even pissing blue shit for 3 days. Imagine the worst thing you ever tasted multiplied by Pepsi Blue. Heh. Great Job Coke (cock) Masters you've succeeded in increasing hospital income, but not your own.
PEPSI ONE: This scam goes way back. It tried to convince dieters that they are something more than fat shit that can't get laid if they drink soda with one calorie. It almost did a great job, but it was missing the other 99 calories. If you gotta drink shit to stay thin, diet pepsi did the job. Instead they decided they had too much money to wipe their ass with, so they pissed half of it away on one lousy calorie. It's not like this drink is on the shelf today anyway, so I salute them for their wise investment. Wanna be my stock broker?
Vanilla Coke/Pepsi Vanilla: This one has the world in chaos. It appears the world is divided in two. Half the world loves this shit, the other half despises it. Sort of like TasteBuds A and TasteBuds B. I fit in the Taste-Like-Shit category. Either I have fucked up tastebuds or you do, but I still win. To me drinking that feels like pulling out of sex and then putting the man straight into the furnace. That vanilla semen tastes so bad.
I know there's more shitty drinks, but I definitely don't feel like going through them. I assume you can taste shit for yourself. But I don't trust you in wondering about this shit for yourself without me helping you. So I got you started. The only flaw I see in all this is one thing. After one company makes a bad drink, the other one copies it. In real competition, you say fuck it and make your own that is worse. In this case, they're losing time by copying it first. I personally take pride in making my own shit up and not working my ass off trying to copy someone else's shit. Copying should be easy, I save that for class. I'm out to go propose my new idea to them on KetchupCola. Drink shit.
Back to how much I rule...