Porn is too damn overrated.

Ever since I was a young lad looking through my brother's porno video stash ( Yeah, I know I should've outgrown it by then) I've been looked down on. Big shit, I was little. I definitely stopped way before the range of age that you people even learn about what it is. All I can remember is my mother walking in every three seconds with that gasping look on her face. That's about all she did, she knew better than to steal a kids porno away. I always questioned her about what the fucking big deal was. Was it the content? But it's nothing that she ( I ) didn't do before. Was it the nudity? It's nothing she (we) haven't seen before. What's there to get all worked up about? Maybe the fact that her kids know too much. Aww, what a shame she put out real men. Is it really better to find out this shit when we turn 14, and we have no idea why our beds are soaked every morning with this mystery gooey shit? Hell no. Porn is just that hidden part of every man's life. No denying it.
Worse than porno-attics are goddamn hypocrites. I think it was during my infancy, when  my baby sitter walked in on me with a good ole Penthouse. I was cruising through the "articles" because I was born literate. She shrieked and grabbed it out of my chubby hands and gave me a shitty sesame street book instead. You know the stupid kind that you press on Bigbird and he says "I'm HORNY, are you? Heeee heeee. Let's make out snuffy". I was a baby that didn't tolerate any bullshit so I shot her with a BB gun. After that I peeked into the room and of course she was using my pornos with more enthusiasm than I was. I quickly filmed the scene and showed my parents what my baby-sitter does during work hours. We never saw her again and I still have her VISAs somewhere hidden in my drawer. I wanted her to be fired AND trapped in an unknown country unable to return to her homeland.  I was so badass.
Why are people so embarrassed when they sneak in a couple of magazines? Afraid to show your manliness? Go to hell. Every damn time I go to the grocery store, I never fail to see some middle aged men in the "XXX" section trying to hide behind the shelves as they browse through the wonders of breast implants. When I look at them, they frantically throw it across the room and grab a NY post as if I don't realize what they were doing. Good cover though. Instead of looking at it in public and then getting all blushy, why not buy it and take it home? Oh right, no one likes adding a monthly Porno Bill while summing up their yearly expenses. Cheap son of a bitch. Just buy the damn magazine or masturbate until you die to your lego monsters. Too bad they don't have dicks. I just love how the pakistans in every store try to please NY state law by putting a curtain or a  netted bag in front of the "dirty" magazines. It's supposed to protect children or something. But in the end the kids come right in, move the curtain, make some selections, and the guy sells it to them right away. Law? Who gives a shit. He's making valuble money that he needs to support terrorism. I forgot what point I was supposed to be making, so I'm just gonna say spare your balls the anguish and get a hooker. It works better than barbies and fake sex toys.


Back to how much I rule...