I'd rather live short twice than long once.

What's with people always wanting to live long? Every stupid birthday card that's full of best wishes for many more puts fresh puke in my esophagus. The fresh puke doesn't remain fresh and it usually splatters all over the card. At that point I stamp the envelope and return it to the sender. Best wishes my ass. Why would anyone want to live past the age of 50? Until then I understand. You're helplessly unaborted and want to make up for it by indulging in immense sexual pleasures as well as many nights beefing away at McDonalds. By all means, dig in you penis bloating obese balloon. But there comes an age where all good things come to an end. Viagra can extend the male life for a good decade before that gives away as well. At the end of the long road, your life is over but your still breathing anyway. Would you rather be an old man in a boring hospital or a dead man in a coffin? I thought so. At least this way you don't have shitty nurses waking you up to give you a sleeping pill or having to watch brilliant doctors sterilize needles for lethal injections. You're free to sleep as long as you want. What a deal.

I know it's a sad truth, but your life really ends when your dick gives away. That's why it's called your "Life Force". It's all the energy of the human body packed into that heavy tender casserole. As soon as you realize you can't get it up without help, it's time to start writing your will. Surrender the power to those who need more of it. Don't be one of those pussies that try to brush away the problem. They'll find themselves the best females and prove they can get it up and running before dinner. You've proved nothing. I could do that with my mind. You needed your checkbook. It's time to die.

I love how people sum up their entire life in 5 minutes trying to prove to me that they're not going to hell. Going to church once a week isn't a valid religious life. Buying stupid gifts and receiving stupid ones doesn't please god either. Hell, it doesn't even please humans. My reply usually sums up their life in 30 seconds and leaves them with their tongues stuck in their throat while mid-farting. I usually say "Well, let's see. You went to school for about the first 20 years of your life. Then you got married (Big sin), and you worked until near your death day. Now you're retired and do nothing. In between all this you got plenty of immoral sex, internet, TV, chow down greasy dinners, driving around doing nothing, clubbing, gambling, etc. What a religious life you got there." I see no reason for you NOT to go to hell. Just wait till you face the heavenly court without any lawyers besides your weakened penis and a box of Trojans. Change of plans eh? Pack your bags, you're going to hell.


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