Sometimes I think I'm the
laziest son of a bitch on the planet. I can't fucking move. If I'm
sitting down, I can't even lift my hands to get my drink. Here's some
instances that happened to show how lazy I really am. Learn from it.
One time I was laying on my bed doing nothing. Just when I was about to
start stroking it, the mother walks in. She wanted me to do the damn
dishes again. I sure as hell wasn't going to do it, so I rolled over and
fell off the top bunk and hit the floor on my head. I faked a goddamn
concussion and woke up in the hospital feeling refreshed, but still
lazy. She never asked me to do it again for fear I'd get a hernia.
Another time I had to make it to the city for some dumb meeting. I don't
have a car because insurance prices could pay for college and a home,
with some leftover as a pension. So I either end up getting around in a
wheelbarrow, or I end up getting humped to hell on public shitty
transportation. Anyway as I was walking to the bus stop, I saw a bus
pull in. With the few last ounces of strength I had left from my morning
sugar cereal, I ran for it. As soon as I got 5 inches from the bus
doors, my lungs gave out and I collapsed on the sidewalk. The bus driver
smiled and said have a nice day, and pulled away. I couldn't get up
without lungs, so I spent the night on a Brooklyn sidewalk in my best
suit. I couldn't move my lazy heap of an ass. It was fun having dogs
shit all over you and busses beep at you while you sleep at the stop
pretending you can't hear.
This is what a spectator witnessed seeing me watch TV on a regular day.
I start off sitting in a regular position. After 3 sandwiches that I
obviously didn't make for myself, I fall to the side. After 8 bags of
chips, I fall off the couch. At that point a shitty TV show usually
comes on and I frantically search for the remote to change the channel.
I see it on the other side of the room, but I can't get it. I grab broom
sticks and baseball bats trying to fish it over to me. Eventually I get
pissed off and knock myself out so I don't have to bear the torture
anymore. But not before knocking someone else out first. Laziness rules.
Come on people. Did not being a lethargic piece of shit ever do anything
for you? I'm answering the questions for you, NO. I missed about 90
school days back in the day just because I couldn't find the energy to
lift my legs into the pant holes. My mom made me go in my underwear once
and I was surprised I managed to get that on. I failed so many tests
that day, but that was because I didn't bother taking them since all the
girls couldn't keep off UnderWear boy. It's not everyday you get
show-and-tell like that. Be lazy.