Doesn't it ever piss you off
that advertisers say/show whatever they want even without a stitch of
truth to it? I'm a very cynical individual and you should be too. I
always make sure that an ad is 100% bullshit free before I consider
buying a product. Ending up with shit on your hands instead makes you a
moron because you already have plenty of shit to go around, not
including the kind you're full of.
There was once a time when I believed every advertisement I saw. I never
had money that year. Here's some instances that should be blotted out of
my memory, but aren't. I always used to see (and sometimes still see) an
ad near a bus stop showing this major hot babe wrapping her bare legs
around a guy wearing sketchers sneakers. Whoa, sketchers does that to
you? I ran to the nearest Foot Locker and got myself a pair of Chick
Magnet Sketchers. I ran around town in my boxers waiting to be embraced
by the world's beauty. 5 minutes, an hour, a day, a month. Nothing. Not
even one cock sucking whore. Why not, maybe it's because sketchers
fucking suck? Go figure.
The next time I saw an ad of a guy who was wearing Axe deodorant. The ad
shows that the result of You+axe=Bedroom. It showed a king size bed
neatly made and ready to be trampled. It was trying to bring out that if
you wear Axe deodorant, regardless or not you have a shitty personality
and an ugly complexion, you WILL get laid. Really? That night I took a
shower in axe. I ran around the city standing extra close to the females
getting them to notice my axe smell. Nevermind the fact that I humped
them into dark alleys, used their bras as tissues, burped in their faces
loudy, and refused to use protection...The ad said I MUST GET LAID. They
lied and that made me sad.
I decided to give ads one more chance. I wanted to get a cellphone, but
wasn't sure which service to use. T-Mobile was automatically out of the
question because they use Catherine-Zeta Jones as their mascot and she
keeps deceiving me by saying I'm gonna "Get More", and I don't. The
options were between Verizon Wireless or Cingular-AT&T. I wanted to use
Verizon Wireless because they had that four-eyed dipshit with that
constant dazed expression doing commercials for 50 years saying "Can you
hear me now?". I really thought that the guy has service everywhere he
goes because people can always hear him even though I don't know why
they'd want to. Looks like some overpayed donkey raper to me. Damn, that
fucker is so annoying! NO, I CANT FUCKING HEAR YOU, NOW CAN YOU SEW YOUR
CUNT CLOSED?
Never trust an advertisement. If they say they are the best, they
aren't. If they say high speed, it's low speed. If they say no strings
attached, they mean none that you can see. If they say we guarantee or
your money back, they mean for the first 5 minutes. If they say: No cost
or Obligation*, it means there's a star on bottom saying the above was
total bullshit but hoping you didn't see the star. My favorite is "No
payment until Jan 2015". That's funny because creditors will be taking
my furniture long after I've gone broke making such a shitty investment.
Be smart.