Advertisements that can go to hell.

Doesn't it ever piss you off that advertisers say/show whatever they want even without a stitch of truth to it? I'm a very cynical individual and you should be too. I always make sure that an ad is 100% bullshit free before I consider buying a product. Ending up with shit on your hands instead makes you a moron because you already have plenty of shit to go around, not including the kind you're full of.

There was once a time when I believed every advertisement I saw. I never had money that year. Here's some instances that should be blotted out of my memory, but aren't. I always used to see (and sometimes still see) an ad near a bus stop showing this major hot babe wrapping her bare legs around a guy wearing sketchers sneakers. Whoa, sketchers does that to you? I ran to the nearest Foot Locker and got myself a pair of Chick Magnet Sketchers. I ran around town in my boxers waiting to be embraced by the world's beauty. 5 minutes, an hour, a day, a month. Nothing. Not even one cock sucking whore. Why not, maybe it's because sketchers fucking suck? Go figure.

The next time I saw an ad of a guy who was wearing Axe deodorant. The ad shows that the result of You+axe=Bedroom. It showed a king size bed neatly made and ready to be trampled. It was trying to bring out that if you wear Axe deodorant, regardless or not you have a shitty personality and an ugly complexion, you WILL get laid. Really? That night I took a shower in axe. I ran around the city standing extra close to the females getting them to notice my axe smell. Nevermind the fact that I humped them into dark alleys, used their bras as tissues, burped in their faces loudy, and refused to use protection...The ad said I MUST GET LAID. They lied and that made me sad.

I decided to give ads one more chance. I wanted to get a cellphone, but wasn't sure which service to use. T-Mobile was automatically out of the question because they use Catherine-Zeta Jones as their mascot and she keeps deceiving me by saying I'm gonna "Get More", and I don't. The options were between Verizon Wireless or Cingular-AT&T. I wanted to use Verizon Wireless because they had that four-eyed dipshit with that constant dazed expression doing commercials for 50 years saying "Can you hear me now?". I really thought that the guy has service everywhere he goes because people can always hear him even though I don't know why they'd want to. Looks like some overpayed donkey raper to me. Damn, that fucker is so annoying! NO, I CANT FUCKING HEAR YOU, NOW CAN YOU SEW YOUR CUNT CLOSED?

Never trust an advertisement. If they say they are the best, they aren't. If they say high speed, it's low speed. If they say no strings attached, they mean none that you can see. If they say we guarantee or your money back, they mean for the first 5 minutes. If they say: No cost or Obligation*, it means there's a star on bottom saying the above was total bullshit but hoping you didn't see the star. My favorite is "No payment until Jan 2015". That's funny because creditors will be taking my furniture long after I've gone broke making such a shitty investment. Be smart.


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