The worst times to get an erection...

Don't you just hate it when you're sitting on the can, you have to take a major piss, but that boner is preventing you from it? You're afraid that it's going to hit the ceiling and wet the shower curtains. It's the worst feeling. You're so frustrated and there's nothing you can do because it's not a boner caused by horniness. You just sit there and wait till your balls explode and the paramedics find you with injured kidneys and no penis. There's no cure for that. Yuck.

Why can't the man stay down when you need to? I'll never forget the time I was mortified at Elementary school graduation. The chicks in the crowd had my snake yelling for a strokin'. I of course could not do so. They called my name to give me a diploma and I had no choice but to hobble up to the stage and pretend like nothing was out of the ordinary. The whole audience burst out laughing because my pants clearly showed I wasn't gay. Is this the shittiest world or what?

Then there's the common incident. It happens to everyone. You sit in class spacing out; when your monkey decides it's time to do the monkey bars. You quickly squish to the side so it has no room to move. It always finds a way through the air holes and before you know it, you've grown a foot, sideways. It's always that point where terror strikes. Terror can come in many ways. You name it: Firedrill bell, English class speeches, teacher calling you up to the desk for apparently no reason but to torture you and forcing your pants to acknowledge to the class what you were just thinking, and more. I hate it.

Here's some advice to help you get the man down when you're in trouble. Think of old man jizz or some really gross thought. Before you know it, it'll have your pecker hiding so well that you can't find it. Either that or you never had one.


Back to how much I rule...