Would you rather be lonely and miserable or be with someone miserable forever?
I believe I already wrote an
article "A guide to married life for dipshits" trying to prevent people from
getting married. After I wrote it (and re-read it with so much approval) , there
was nothing that could possibly convince me to spend my entire life with someone
anymore. I thought that the world agreed. But over time I still saw friends and
family getting married. I got wedding invitations in the mail to my horror.
Can't anyone read? The article said something.
So rather than tell you what your wife is supposed to do in marriage, I will tell you the downsides of the whole thing. Besides for everything, there's more. I mean for one there's commitment. I can't even commit to not play video games everyday, how the hell will I commit to ONE girl? The world is full of them, and being the man with balls that I am, one isn't enough. Even if you offered me 5 girls, I'd still say no, unless you offer to give me one each night and after that to hell with 'em. Commitment sucks.
Another reason the whole thing blows, is because you can't do anything anymore. You know how when you wanted to go clubbing as a child, you're parents always made you be home by 10? Then you had a few years to do what you want. By getting married, you're damning yourself with curfew for the rest of your life. No longer can you party until 3 a.m., sleep with the party host, drink beer until your penis becomes a dispenser, and then drive your car into a nearby bridge. Life becomes one fucking hellhole after another after that wife makes you come home and sweep shit and clean up jizz off the kitchen ceiling. Have fun.
Ok, let's say you end up marrying someone who is hot. It could be pleasurable for a while. But what about when she starts to look like a used pile of skunk shit? What are you going to do now? Marriage contracts don't say that she goes when her body does, meaning you're stuck. Yes, that's right, you're going to have sit there staring at saggy tits, making beds, spending longer hours at work so you don't have to see her, and then coming home and being miserable FOREVER. Those are the reasons you left your house to begin with. Nothings changed.
You may notice I didn't mention kids in all this. I chose not to because I figured although you may be stupid enough to get married, you're not stupid enough to not use a condom. There, I complimented you. I'm such a nice guy.
Back to how much I rule...