Some thoughts on the new Batman movie.

It goes without saying that anyone playing the character of batman must be well-built, clean shaven, and an ass that will make females in the audience seizure. The problem with this is that they don't have much consideration for the men watching this movie. Batman happens to be a super hero I really like, but it's really hard to enjoy a movie when you keep hearing girls "ooh and ahh" about batman's sexy nipples. That's not what I pay an overpriced movie ticket for. Unless they are talking about my nipples and are pointing at me, cut the bullshit. Females, it's called self-control. You're all very acquainted with all these "self" terms like self- respect and self-confidence, save your fingering for later.

I'll say that this movie is pretty well made and interesting. It just has many plot malfunctions that make you question the directors sanity. The movie basically starts off showing us what a pussy Bruce Wayne is. First he sits and smiles while his parents get shot, and he doesn't even call the cops. He just sits and cries while the murderer is jerking off with a new wallet. Fun. Then he disappears for 30 years "studying crime". I'm not sure what there is to study, but more or less you have to know that someone is usually breaking the law in a secretive way. He learns how to fight like a ninja for about 2 months of his life and before you know it, he's Batman. That's right, all those years of training nin-jitsu were a complete waste. Why'd you do it?

As soon as Bruce gets off the plane, you know somethings wrong because he aged 30 years, but his butler didn't age a day. I wonder what potion he uses. Bruce sees how much his homeland fucked up over the years and wants to try to help shit out despite all the warnings. So heroic. Of course there's that scene where he has to prove he's "hip" by ordering that girls need not where anything in his places jaccuzzi. Bats get horny too. But then he tries to pretend it never happened when his young love walks in and sees him with the two nudists. He tries to make it seem like everything is ok and he wasn't just tapping ass. Am I on a tangent or what?

Remember the days when Batman drove a batmobile? Those days are gone. Now he drives a 21st century tank. It defeats the whole purpose of everything. Who the hell is going to mess with a huge piece of shit that can drive over anything? One minute he's driving on the freeway, the next minute he's speeding off rooftops. I don't know how the hell he got up there, but the tank did it. Just because something goes really fast and looks really cool, doesn't mean it fits correctly with the originial story script. Especially since in the first movie he's driving a batmobile. What happened to the tank? Did it not exist yet? Oh right.


Back to how much I rule...