Some thoughts on the new Batman movie.
It goes without saying that
anyone playing the character of batman must be well-built, clean shaven, and an
ass that will make females in the audience seizure. The problem with this is
that they don't have much consideration for the men watching this movie. Batman
happens to be a super hero I really like, but it's really hard to enjoy a movie
when you keep hearing girls "ooh and ahh" about batman's sexy nipples. That's
not what I pay an overpriced movie ticket for. Unless they are talking about my
nipples and are pointing at me, cut the bullshit. Females, it's called
self-control. You're all very acquainted with all these "self" terms like self-
respect and self-confidence, save your fingering for later.
I'll say that this movie is pretty well made and interesting. It just has many
plot malfunctions that make you question the directors sanity. The movie
basically starts off showing us what a pussy Bruce Wayne is. First he sits and
smiles while his parents get shot, and he doesn't even call the cops. He just
sits and cries while the murderer is jerking off with a new wallet. Fun. Then he
disappears for 30 years "studying crime". I'm not sure what there is to study,
but more or less you have to know that someone is usually breaking the law in a
secretive way. He learns how to fight like a ninja for about 2 months of his
life and before you know it, he's Batman. That's right, all those years of
training nin-jitsu were a complete waste. Why'd you do it?
As soon as Bruce gets off the plane, you know somethings wrong because he aged
30 years, but his butler didn't age a day. I wonder what potion he uses. Bruce
sees how much his homeland fucked up over the years and wants to try to help
shit out despite all the warnings. So heroic. Of course there's that scene where
he has to prove he's "hip" by ordering that girls need not where anything in his
places jaccuzzi. Bats get horny too. But then he tries to pretend it never
happened when his young love walks in and sees him with the two nudists. He
tries to make it seem like everything is ok and he wasn't just tapping ass. Am I
on a tangent or what?
Remember the days when Batman drove a batmobile? Those days are gone. Now he
drives a 21st century tank. It defeats the whole purpose of everything. Who the
hell is going to mess with a huge piece of shit that can drive over anything?
One minute he's driving on the freeway, the next minute he's speeding off
rooftops. I don't know how the hell he got up there, but the tank did it. Just
because something goes really fast and looks really cool, doesn't mean it fits
correctly with the originial story script. Especially since in the first movie
he's driving a batmobile. What happened to the tank? Did it not exist yet? Oh
right.