Clubbing is fun until you get humped by Asians.

I'm not a guy who ever goes to clubs, but I got tired of sitting around on my ass writing people on Instant Messenger and playing Rodents Revenge , so I finally went to one on Saturday night. The minute I got there I was hit with a puzzling situation. I don't think there's anywhere in the world that could be more American than New York, but apparently I'm dead wrong and there must be some island where all the Americans were shipped to, or got shot dead. I walked into this place called Club Speed and paid the $25 entrance fee. All the expensive colognes I used dried up right back into my skin because all the Asian ass scared the scent of sweetness right off me. It was horrifying. I looked everywhere for something that looked like a girl but I couldn't find any. For goodness sakes, I'm in a NYC club and there wasn't one person that wasn't Chinese. There wasn't even a sign saying it was Chinese night.

Ok, it sounds bad. But hey I've seen many movies with Asian chicks that look sort of hot. So not only did I get stuck in a Chinese morgue, but they weren't even good looking Asians. So there you have it. I spent my Saturday night squeezing myself through a crowd of foamy, hairy, fat, and possibly pregnant Asian girls. Next time I go to a club, it's if they pay me $25 to come. Maybe I should check out a place in Hong Kong, I'll be stunned by all the Russian chicks they have stripping there nightly. I think it's time for some ethnic cleansing. Russians should go to Russia. Americans should hit the U.S. And Chinese people should go to China, or hell. Yeah, hell is for everyone.

My worst point of the night was when this guy who looked like he just menstruated, came to me and begged me to take this fat Asian girl off him. I looked at him like "Are you nuts? Keep your own shit, I'm not your disposal." He came over and dumped her on me. My eyes were never opened so wide with horror before and I started gagging. I had to struggle and use some of the most vicious Nin-jitsu moves to pry her chubby hands off me. I ran to the bathroom, lit a cigarette, and stuck it in my eyeballs, and then I cried myself in the corner. My tears came out as smoke.

If you're Asian, don't email me.


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