My mother squeezed me out today.

Wow, my memory is filling with all the shit that's happened to me in the last 17 years as I write this. It's almost as if I really deserve recognition for being on this world because I took so much crap from it. Maybe that's the concept of a birthday. As of now, I received nothing for it. Maybe one card with someone saying he's happy my parents decided not to abort me. But that's it. Oh right, and some pizza. .

I know some other ranter on this site wrote about why birthdays are shitty. But I feel the need to elabortate. Put it this way, nobody likes you, you have a shitty job, and you just lay in your own filth unless some girl decides to clean that for you. Why celebrate your existence? Is it a happy day? I thought so until my mother described the enormous pains she went through from not aborting my sorry ass. I caused pain from the minute I was born, even before that. Then she had to feed me and diaper me because I couldn't do that shit for myself. Then she went and punished me by sending me to school so I can learn about how humans fucked up their own existence and we're going to bring our self-destruction. Why the hell did you bring me here for that? I was having a good time watching AC/DC and Nirvana up there in hell and she ruined it for me. Here's what happened:

17 years ago I was a happy little piece of semen flowing around in hell. I met many famous dead band members like Kurt Cobain and the singer from Drowning Pool and even ripped off some free performances. Then some angel came over and said someones having sex downstairs and my number was up to be the lucky semen to be shoved into some guys ballsac. I was dragged by my tail crying like a madsperm. Before I knew it, some guy shot me out like a canon and I got stuck in some gross vulva. After I was fished out I ended up on some long miserable tunnel to the Falopian Tubes. Some egges raped me and then I was a stupid fetus. There you have it, the beginning of me.

Now I'm here and thinking of all those concerts I'm missing and all the arab ass I could have been kicking. Yeah, now I have to follow your stupid laws even though it's not your world. At least give me a birthday gift for it. I don't even get mothers, it's like they hit a certain age and they get a sudden urge to "procreate". I certainly don't have that. The only thing I procreate is semen so I can jerk it off. Leave.


Back to how much I rule...