Fun ways to give someone an abortion and why it's funny.

I just got back from a hospital delivery room and my clothes are covered with pieces of babies. I need to shower so I'll continue this later.
Just joking, I wouldn't part with these royal garments of glory. Let the remnants of these fetuses be an inspiration for abortions all around the world in the near future. Is that a baby dying I just heard? No, it was someone's protection ripping. Goddamn it you asshole, now I'll have work in 9 months. Screw you.

I love giving abortions. It's so much fun. You watch the potential parents go back to not being parents. The smile on their face is priceless, almost enough for them to use a better brand of birth control next time, but it's so enjoyable that they want to come back for this shit again. And she also usually likes the way I use my hands in there. Either way, dead splats on the floor put joy in everyone's life, except the dead splat. Who cares? I rule.

I have a couple of ways of killing the baby but here are some of my favorites. When I'm in a pissed off kind of mood, I don't give a shit what I do. I take any sword I see and jab it straight into her stomach. It definitely gets the baby, but unfortunately sometimes it gets the mother too. Either way I win because I'll definitely have a day off from work sometime in the near future OR an extended lunch hour because I have one less patient that day since she won't be coming back. Lunch kicks ass.

Then there's a typical day where I'm feeling bored and want to have a little fun. It goes from anything like sticking a carbon monoxide tube down her throat and choking up the baby from her wind pipes limb by limb. I don't even have to be there during this process. I just leave a garbage can next to the bed and I get to go home and watch TV. Or if I'm really bored I'll just flush the baby out of the womb with a plunger. It works, and the insurance covers me for a new plunger. I ain't keepin' that shit.

If you're not laughing by now at my awesome job, then it's because you haven't tried it. This is one of those cases where you really can't knock it till you've tried it. I mean just the smell of my office makes me want to have kids to join me at work. Imagine the grades they'd get at the end of the term for their graphic report on "what my daddy does for a killing", but sadly I'd probably abort them before they get that far.


Back to how much I rule...