Going to the beach is cool until you get slapped by grimey sausage

Yesterday was hot as hell, so I decided it was time to head for the beach. For a Monday afternoon, the place was packed with welfare recipients. Doesn't anybody work? I thought I was the only lazy degenerate that didn't. In fact, I got my hopes up thinking I'd have the beach to myself. But when I got there I saw that everybody had the same idea as me. So I took my towel and squeezed between two immigrant families If I looked to my right I saw 5 mexicans and on my left was 4 hefty black ladies. Someone needs to pass a bill saying you can't be on the beach if you weigh more than 150 pounds. This was ridiculous. The sand beneath them was caving in making a loud suction noise that only my ears could detect. Then every time they rolled over there was an earthquake. And you can bet it was just delightful watching them come out of the water with their huge asscheeks jiggling all over the place. I need glasses now.
 
Aside from these atrocities, the beach was loaded with 6 miles of bikini heaven. I've never been so hard in my whole life. You can even say it was the hardest day of my life. That was lame. Anyway, it got rather cumbersome trying to conceal my boner in the sand. So I turned over onto my back because concealing it is stupid when you can show it off. I had to apologize a few times because kids playing volleyball kept tripping over my cocktous erectous. I got so horny when these young women walked by me with barely their nipples covered that I sprouted my own sand castle. What got really annoying is that I saw an ugly chick right after and my natural castle caved in. I felt like crying.
 
What really sucked ass was the abundance of male sausage. Not only was it cockville, but most of the men there thought it would be appropriate to come in bathing suits that barely concealed their disgusting package. They wore tight underwear bathing suits that tighten up by the ass crack giving people like me eye cancer. Nobody wants to see your repulsive crotch. That's why most women these days are either Bi or lesbo. Because girls are fucking hot. You are not. Don't show your penis in public, ever. So not only are these guys grossing out the men, they're also grossing out the women, and discouraging them from coming back which will cause me to see less female anatomy the next time I come. These Russian girls are such whorebags. They all deny it of course but they are so awesome anyway. They find new ways daily to test the law and show the government that they can wear clothes and yet still be naked. God bless them. And their designers. I swear I saw tits yesterday, but they were still legally covered. But I didn't miss out on anything. In fact, they were better with that half nicely cut bra. All it was missing was my mouth. Americans should take note of their foreign neighbors and start copying their dress-styles. The world would be a better place. The problem is, Americans always fuck shit up. Like all of a sudden you'll see the worst looking girls wearing what the hottest Russians wear. At least Russians can usually keep it in proportion. And their panties have more absorption. Fuck you.


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