Yesterday was hot as hell,
so I decided it was time to head for the beach. For a Monday afternoon,
the place was packed with welfare recipients. Doesn't anybody work? I
thought I was the only lazy degenerate that didn't. In fact, I got my
hopes up thinking I'd have the beach to myself. But when I got there I
saw that everybody had the same idea as me. So I took my towel and
squeezed between two immigrant families If I looked to my right I saw 5
mexicans and on my left was 4 hefty black ladies. Someone needs to pass
a bill saying you can't be on the beach if you weigh more than 150
pounds. This was ridiculous. The sand beneath them was caving in making
a loud suction noise that only my ears could detect. Then every time
they rolled over there was an earthquake. And you can bet it was just
delightful watching them come out of the water with their huge asscheeks
jiggling all over the place. I need glasses now.
Aside from these atrocities,
the beach was loaded with 6 miles of bikini heaven. I've never been so
hard in my whole life. You can even say it was the hardest day of my
life. That was lame. Anyway, it got rather cumbersome trying to conceal
my boner in the sand. So I turned over onto my back because concealing
it is stupid when you can show it off. I had to apologize a few times
because kids playing volleyball kept tripping over my cocktous erectous.
I got so horny when these young women walked by me with barely their
nipples covered that I sprouted my own sand castle. What got really
annoying is that I saw an ugly chick right after and my natural castle
caved in. I felt like crying.
What really sucked ass was
the abundance of male sausage. Not only was it cockville, but most of
the men there thought it would be appropriate to come in bathing suits
that barely concealed their disgusting package. They wore tight
underwear bathing suits that tighten up by the ass crack giving people
like me eye cancer. Nobody wants to see your repulsive crotch. That's
why most women these days are either Bi or lesbo. Because girls are
fucking hot. You are not. Don't show your penis in public, ever. So not
only are these guys grossing out the men, they're also grossing out the
women, and discouraging them from coming back which will cause me to see
less female anatomy the next time I come. These Russian girls are such
whorebags. They all deny it of course but they are so awesome anyway.
They find new ways daily to test the law and show the government that
they can wear clothes and yet still be naked. God bless them. And their
designers. I swear I saw tits yesterday, but they were still legally
covered. But I didn't miss out on anything. In fact, they were better
with that half nicely cut bra. All it was missing was my mouth.
Americans should take note of their foreign neighbors and start copying
their dress-styles. The world would be a better place. The problem is,
Americans always fuck shit up. Like all of a sudden you'll see the worst
looking girls wearing what the hottest Russians wear. At least Russians
can usually keep it in proportion. And their panties have more
absorption. Fuck you.