Why I can't date for shit

Ever since I was 13 and the hormones started taking over my brain in the form of an organ which I once thought was only used to let out urine, I had tremendous urges to constantly grab tits. I don't mean just grab them, but to mound them like you kneed the dough you're baking bread with. Letting go isn't part of the equation because when you let go, you just feel like grabbing them again. So until you actually let go, you have those three words scrolling through your head at a refreshing speed "This is awesome."

Being the faggoty law abider that I am forced to be, I can't actually do any of this. It ends up staying in dreams. Dreams were just dreams until they started exiting me in the form of child goo. So every time I wanted to fulfill my sincere desires, I had to fake my way through an evening of romance and love so I could get to my destination. The problem is that I have less patience than a dog staring up at his master for that doggy bone. I need it now. And if you make me wait, I will get you. So dates usually lasted me about 5 minutes. I would pick her up and try to keep the straightest face possible. But those bouncy little devils would just stare at me from the passenger seat smiling at how only the seatbelt gets to touch them. It was from then on I decided to be a seatbelt. I mean rip the seatbelts out of my car so they wouldn't make me jealous anymore. So what happens when inaccessible titties tease me? My mouth starts to fuck up my chances for me. "Oh man that shits awesome", "May I?", "Look a flying spaceship!", "No need to go out for dinner, it's right here."

Stupid shit like that. I just didn't have the patience to wait. How could I? I could practically hear those titties in my head with their stupid dialogue. "Hey man, I know I know it's a really long road to get here. In fact, you're not even a quarter of the way there now. But where there's pain there's reward. If you struggle with the painstaking task of enduring those words that exit her mouth for about 2 hours, and then pay for all the shit that she put back into her mouth, you might be seeing me sooner than you think. How about it jackass? Oh and by the way, I'm a C 36 and my owner likes to massage me with shampoo on a daily basis and swirl me around in the mirror and then post pictures of me all over MySpace. Am I making you feel like a horny bastard yet? No, don't say it to her!! That won't get you here. You fucking suck. I'm glad it won't be your fingerprints on me tonight." The breasts are always right. When titties start talking to you, you know that it's going to be disaster when you try to go on a date. So until that miraculous day when women decide that boobies are lowering their stock price, I might be able to cash in on some shares.


GenitalGrinder1 gmail.com

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