Some thoughts on kosher bagel stores...
03/1/05

     So today I had the unfortunate experience of sitting down in a kosher bagel store and having to listen to their crappy music on the PA (Seems that there are no kosher bagel stores out there who have the balls to play some Megadeth; now there's an idea for a business...). Anyway, the words of the stupid song went somewhere along the lines of "Baruch Attah Hashem, Shehakol N'hiyah B'dvaroh." Then some other stupid words, and then back to the stupid "Baruch Attah" part again. It was really pissing me off and taking away from the enjoyment of my lox-spread sandwich so I decided to try to think of something else. So I pictured the comical scene of having my girlfriend make that very same bracha on my meat...
Meat is a "Shehakol", right?

     Either way, my imagination was successful at getting me through my bagel and out the front door...

     But I was thinking, do the owners of these bagel stores actually call each other up and decide on which three songs they are going to play for the next six months, to piss ME off? Because every kosher bagel store I go to is playing the same damn song... And how do the workers breath with that crap playing all day?

     Perhaps the owners haven't heard of Pantera. I think it would be really nice if they added that to their crappy mix of "Kol Chassan" and "Shehakol", and then maybe they can wean themselves off their crap songs, and eventually completely switch out for Pantera. Then they can put a crucifix on their front door and have live moshpits while you sit and eat your bagel... That would be cool. I know I'd be eating more bagels...

     And maybe then those annoying, snotty, thirteen year-old chicks won't bother coming into the store to bother me either... Hmmmm.