Jews don't fuck through fucking sheets, goddammit.
07/31/05
 

     The other day I was at a comedy show with some friends and the comedian's like "do you guys really fuck through sheets?" Well I'll have you know, no, we don't fuck through fucking sheets. But people keep on asking me that and its fucking annoying. What kind of sick fuck do you take me for? Anyway we didn't really get to answer the question at the show because the comedian didn't listen to us; he instead proceeded to make all these "fucking through sheets" jokes like "oooooh I'm Pac-Man, can I eat you?", and "CASPER!!!!"
Well, everyone else thought it was funny...

     Anyway it seriously pisses me the fuck off that when I walk down the street, some people might actually be looking at me and saying to themselves "now there's a guy who fucks through sheets", because I DON'T FUCK THROUGH FUCKING SHEETS. In fact, there's probably not more than two Jewish couples in the entire world who fuck through sheets, and they are probably just ultra-religious as well as mentally retarded, and the reason they fuck through sheets is because they are mentally retarded (not ultra-religious). Seriously, I don't know how this shit got out but I wish to clear it once and for all. So if you see me in a bar and you're thinking of shacking up with me, but are afraid about getting into that whole sheet shit, fear not, because I will fuck you the same way any other man would...

     Oh, and once more, in case anyone is unsure of what they just read, even though they read it five times: There is no fucking way I plan on ever fucking through a fucking sheet, not unless its part of some sick fantasy my girlfriend enjoys, and, she blows me for it in exchange...

     Now I know I have a bad tendency of starting articles and not finishing them, and just putting them up that way, so here's a fucking ending for you. NO FUCK VIA BEDSPREADS. THE END.