If you weigh more than 300 pounds and your ass sticks out of the bottom of your skirt, you DON'T have to look over your shoulder to make sure that little kids aren't "checkin' you out".

     Have you ever tried pissing right after you've had sex and it starts squirting in two different directions at the same time? Man, that is really fucked up. Either that or I gotta see a doctor or something.

     Anyways, the other day I was walking down the street minding my own damn business, as usual, when I noticed that this nasty ass Jewish chick walking in front of me who kept glancing over her shoulder every couple of seconds. Mind you, this chick looked like she weighed 300 pounds and was rolling one of them double baby holders. Crap, I wouldn't tap that shit even if you paid off the down payment on my house, why the fuck does she keep looking at me? I don't pork fat chicks. Or even eat them out. That shit is disgusting. You know, sometimes I wonder how her hassidic husband ever wants to tap that 300 pound piece of lard. Maybe he should be more honest with her about her looks and she'd be less worried about people staring at her when she walks down the street.

     I mean seriously, her ass was sticking out of the bottom of her skirt. I've seen old ladies whose tits don't even hang down that much!

     I really don't get it. The hot Jewish girls in school all talk to me, but those nasty ass chicks that look like one of them floaters in the toilet that won't go down when you flush it all keep giving me dirty looks, even when I'm not looking their way. Maybe I should just burst their bubble and tell them that they look a lot nastier than that 60 year old prostitute I screwed the night before because I was getting desperate and it was getting late, and I only had 20 bucks on me.

     I was talking to this gentile in a bar and he was telling me how all the religious Jewish chicks are the hottest. You know what I was wondering? How he'd be able to put up with their shit. Seriously. Forget about the fact that they won't put out until you marry them, how the hell can you go out with a girl who keeps nervously playing with her collar to make sure you aren't looking down at her A-sized tits? Next time some Jewish chick pulls that shit on me, I'm just going to point across the room at that non-Jewish girl whose sitting there, half-naked, and is twice as hot as her.

     I don't know what the hell the point of this rant was. In fact, there probably wasn't one. Except that I just got turned down by some Jewish chick cuz she thinks I'm not religious enough for her, or because I don't wear jeans with my tzitzis sticking out, or because I didn't go to Waterbury and talk shit all the time. Dammit. Jewish chicks are all the same. They're all like "ya totally, I want a boy who will be in Yeshiva but also work, and also be in Yeshiva, but also work, and, yah totally"......