Move to Israel and shut up.
02/04/08
 

The next time I hear something about Israel I'm going to puke. You've got all these people who won't shut up about Israel. Went there for Yeshiva for two weeks, they come back wearing their "knitted yarmulka" and being all Hillelish. Fuck you. Seriously. It pisses me off so much. You're living in America. If you love Israel so much, why don't you move there? There's nothing worse than having to listen to someone who just bitches about everything all day.......

Um... HEY!

Seriously though, these people walk around being bitter about the place that they live. I know so many Israeli's who moved to America because they can't find a job there. Clearly, this makes America better. Nobody tied a rope around your penis and dragged you to America. You came at your own free will, so quit complaining. And it doesn't stop there. How about those Russian cab drivers who bitch all day about being Neuro-surgeons back in Russia? How many damn Neuro-surgeons were there already? If you don't like the culture, don't move here. Just realize that it is also this culture that makes this the land of opportunity, that is, allows you to get a job driving rich Americans around the same 4-block radius in Times Square.

Some dude came over to my house the other day. He wouldn't shut up about Israel for a second. Mind you, this wasn't a friend, just someone tagging along with friends, which means I put up with less bullshit. Nonetheless, I put up with his shit for a good half hour while he tried to impress one girl after the other with his wide knowledge of Israel, mainly involving where to get a good Shwarma (by the way, Israeli's don't eat Shwarma, they can't afford it; Shwarma's are for poser Americans; you're a dumbass). On his way out my door, he says something in the line of "This house smells so American", to which I responded. "I hate Israel so much, all those damn hippies who play acoustic guitar all day and never shower; I think I'm gonna go there myself tomorrow and open random fire."

I don't think he'll be coming back to my house any time soon.
 

And my dad..... MY DAD. He leaves the Kotel cam on his computer screen all day. ALL DAY. I sometimes think all he does is watch the Kotel and occasionally go to the bathroom. I think I've pretty much got the routine of the Kotel just from passing by his computer every now and then. It's a wall. 3 hours later and it's still a wall. Come back the next day and guess what!....... IT'S STILL A FRIKKIN WALL!! But to give it some credit so that God doesn't smite me in the next couple of minutes, so that I may post this awesome article online, it's a special wall, one of great significance.

BUT IT'S A WALL!

People generally stand there all day and pray. Or just stand there. I have a picture of myself being choked in front of the Kotel. My eyes are bulging out, my tongue sticking out, I look horrible....it's a cool picture, you should see it.

You should see what I do to you the next time you mention Israel.