No, I'm not getting married. Now beat off.

It pisses me off when people keep asking me "when I'm getting married already". Why is it their damn business what I do with my life? Just because they got married and now realize that it sucks, why do they feel the need to pull their friends into the same pit?

I'm very happy being single, and that's because I can do what I want, when I want. If I feel like leaving the house at 2AM to grab a late snack, I can. The only person I need to answer to is myself, and the only concern I need to have is getting up the next morning, if I happen to need to be up the next morning.

There's so many divorces today, and most of them are because the guy got married before he was ready to commit, and the girl is sick and tired of his shit. Well, I've got shit. I've got plenty of it and I like every bit of it. And so long as I'm single (not married), this doesn't affect anyone.

My mom is afraid that if I move out I will never get married. Why is that? Eventually I got her to admit that most guys get married because they fear having to take care of themselves, but once they move out and get good at it, and they pretty much no longer have a reason to get married. "That's stupid", I thought. "Why are people so stupid? Why does my mom want me to be so stupid?"

"Are You Gay?" I'm going to bash someone's face in the next time I hear that. Yes, of course, all people who 'date to get married' are "straight" and all people who don't are "gay". And yes, getting married just to get laid, despite the fact that you aren't ready to deal with marriage, and that it will likely ruin your life, your wife's life, (and the lives of your children which you will for sure have because Jewish people never heard of birth control) is a great idea, and the only way of showing that you are a clever being, capable of making decisions for yourself. Oh, and that you're not gay.

"You're next in line". I get that one a lot too. How the hell are they supposed to know that I'm next in line if I don't? Let's not even mention the fact that I'm currently single (hey, ladies.....)? The only logic I can make out of is that it's my friends' way of telling me that they really want me to get married because they feel distanced from me by the fact that they are married and I'm not. Well, tough shit. If you don't feel like you can be friends with me anymore, then don't. I've got enough single friends to not have to worry about losing the two shitty married friends I have, who anyways have a curfew of 11:00 PM, and always end up ruining everything.

So, I'm not getting married, at least not for the foreseeable future. If you don't like it, get yourself a divorce and meet me on the flip side!