corruptionX

 


6/1/05
Jury Duty sucks ass.

So today I got called to stand jury. Or whatever you want to call it. To give you a short summary of what my day was like, here's the basic idea:

Man, what a crappy day. I didn't even come home with a paycheck. Supposedly it's supposed to come in the mail. Whatever. The day totally sucked. What really pisses me off is that I had to get out of bed two hours earlier than usual, only to sit in a stupid room with a bunch of people, waiting there for two hours. Why not cut the bullshit and let me sleep another two hours? Man that totally sucked. Then I had to sit and listen patiently while each of the people raised their hand and explained to the lawyers why they thought that "they might be biased" in the specific court case. Some of the award winning reasons included: "My mom is a nurse", "I know somebody who was once sick", "My wife is a secretary in a medical office", and "I don't feel it's right that some of the witnesses are being paid" --- What do you think lawyers work for, dumbass? Mind you, this was a medical malpractice case, why the crap should someone get off because their wife answers telephone calls at a medical clinic? Christ.

Oh, and all I had to do to get off was let them know that I was dying to get out of there, and that in the event of a hung jury...

 

So anyway, it's funny how lawyers twist everything and ask all their questions in the form of "It wouldn't be a problem if ..........<complicated law term>..........<complicated medical term>.........<three more complicated law terms>........, would it?", or "In the event of.........blah, blah, blah,............, you wouldn't be biased, would you?" Basically, if you were sleeping and the person next to you tapped your head a little, making it slightly nod (without waking you up) the response would be more than good enough for the lawyer.

Then, while I was listening to all the crap the lawyer was mouthing, one particular thing caught my attention. He went on for about 10 minutes explaining to us the definition of "diagnose", making it mean exactly what he wanted it to mean to make his client innocent. Basically, the story was that someone was misdiagnosed and operated on when they didn't need surgery. So then he goes "does anyone have a better definition for "diagnosed"? So I go "yeah, the opposite of misdiagnosed". I got a good laugh and made the lawyer appear like a dumbass, which he was. Damn, I hate lawyers.

 

So anyway, those are my experiences from serving on jury. Next time you go to serve jury, don't bring a camera phone, otherwise they'll confiscate it and give you a stupid receipt, which isn't worth half as much as the phone, and doesn't make phone calls. Either that or slip the phone into an inside pocket, which is what I did after lunch break, in order to get it in the building. Oh yeah, and then I videotaped the entire thing on my phone's video camera. Just kidding. You can't actually take a normal video on a stupid camera phone. Doesn't anyone know that?