You know those days where you're just tripping over another stupid baby carriage every second?

    Anyway, the other day I was in line at the bagel shop ready to order a bagel and this chick in front of me asked for a receipt for her bagel. GRRRRR. I COULD SMELL THE BULLSHIT. Heh. Just kidding. But seriously, why the hell would someone want a receipt for a stupid bagel? Is she trying to make a tax deduction on .99c bagel? Man, people are just weird.

...Which brings me to my main point:


    Headbangers piss me off. Even though I do all kinds of other crap that can screw up and impair my brain, the fact that there are people out there who headbang, which smashes their brain into the sides of their skull constantly, pisses me off, because I don't think they should be allowed to do that. Take Cliff Burton, for example. He's a great example. His doctor told him that if he doesn't stop headbanging on stage (which he just loved to do) he would eventually die from the brain damage caused by his brain smashing into his skull every time his head went back and forth. Cliff of course didn't stop and one day Metallica's tour bus got into a huge accident and fell off the cliff of a mountain or something and Cliff flew out of the window and the bus landed on top of him and SPLAT! He was killed. Now there's a moral for you.

    Heavy metal promotes playing guitar, making noise, and having a good time, which of course, is satanic and will surely end you a life in hell. In fact, why party first? You know where you're gonna end up anyway, so why don't you just kill yourself now and get it all over with?

    I know this kid who used to sometimes listen to heavy metal, and he also used to do acid all the time. Now he thinks he's a banana and he's afraid someone's gonna peel him. So listen to me. Don't E V E R listen to heavy metal. If you do listen to heavy metal, you will one day think you are a banana.

    Anyway I think I've got off track there for a second because what I was supposed to be talking about was how much heavy metal listeners PISS ME OFF. You know how they're just standing there on street corners with their AC/DC caps listening to their music and seem to be having such a good time, not doing anything? It pisses me off because I think that the only happiness one should get is by doing hard work and getting nothing out of it.

    Were you ever on the subway at like two or three in the morning? It's always the heavy metal dudes who will just come up to you out-of-the-blue and start a conversation with you. I get scared by them because I think that people who are nice to strangers, even though they have nothing to gain, are secretly plotting something evil against you, and especially since they are headbangers, that gives me all the more reason to believe just that.

    The other day I was a quarter short for the ferry and this dude with a Metallica T-shirt handed me a quarter. He is going to hell, you know that...