After a six-month break, I put out this piece of shit...
How to make a metal band shitty.
I'd write about my balls. It's a known fact that any rant that refers to the ranter's balls automatically kicks ass, and that's simply because well, balls kick ass. They are the most manly thing in existence. Anyways, the best I'm going to do in this rant is talk about how some other man used his balls to fuck up a great metal band.
About six months ago I saw the metal band Kamelot. Opening for them were the bands Epica and Operatika. Needless to say they both sucked. In fact, the singer of Operatika appeared to be severely knocked-up. Besides for fucking up her unborn fetus with her violent headbanging, she put on a shitty concert. Babies are a disease. They affect and ruin the performance of anything that comes within 100ft of them. For example, just last Sunday, it took me 4 hours to fix someone's computer instead of the usual 15 minutes, and I'm sure that's because there happened to be an unborn fetus in the room. As for the band, the timing was off, the guitars sucked, and the drumming sounded like Lars Ulrich playing on St. Anger. All I could hear was a shitty sounding opera singer and the repetitive chanting from the crowd saying "lose the baby." I'm not going to say anything about the keyboards because I met the keyboardist at a Blind Guardian concert and she seemed pretty cool.
Last night I went to see Chris Caffery 'kick ur ass' and
Doro. Operatika once again opened. Only this time they were
fucking awesome. I could not believe they were the same
band. And then I realized why. This time the singer decided
to leave the baby at home with a babysitter. Needless to say
I'm glad she made the right decision and put her metal
career in front of her stupid baby, and once again Operatika
634,221 people have made the right decision and put their metal careers before their kids.
...Back to how awesome my balls are