Ladies: I Stand As Witness To Tell You That Guitar Players Are No Better At Foreplay Than Anyone Else.

I know a lot of women seem to think that guitar players are really good at foreplay because of their ability to hit high notes on the guitar really quickly (also known as soloing). I'd like to knock this assumption down. Fingering a guitar is not at all like fingering a woman --not unless you can fit your entire fist inside of her, in which case I suggest you find another woman.

My friend on the other hand -- he's a pro, and not a guitarist. He took a girl to a hotel room once. The chick was screaming so loud that the next morning the guy found a line of desperate women standing outside his door begging for some action. I think he choked the chick to death and buried her in the closet (might explain some of the screaming and why it was only him who found the line of desperate chicks outside his door the next morning), but you catch my drift.

I stand at concerts and watch the chicks orgasm off the guitarist and singer -- like his high vocals are goint to make them wet themselves or something. Well I'm sick of this shit: The guitarist is not any good at fingering, and the singer isn't any good at eating pussy, and may not even bother -- so stop trying. The singer's mouth belongs in front of a mic anyway.

What amazes me even more than that is chicks' failure to notice the naked chick carrying two loaded machine guns -- the bassist. Any girl who'se dated a bassist knows that he has calouses on BOTH hands, and he's used to plucking things. What more can you ask for? If I was a chick I'd tell the lead singer and guitarists to go fuck themselves --and ask the bassist if I could carry his equipment onto the tour bus.

...Back to how awesome my balls are