A Rant of mikecoon

Tae Kwon Do is for Pussies



     I was thinking back on the days when I took tae kwon do. I remember we did a lot of kicks and such. The most enjoyable part was the sparring. However, there were three problems with the tae kwon do I was taking. The first part was the instructor was going to make us do the higher forms to music. In fact, I was suppose to learn this form to "God Bless America". How stupid is that? Why not take it one step further and do a musical based on a bunch of forms. I took tae kwon do because I wanted to learn how to fight. I did not expect I would have to have musical talent also.

      The second problem is high kicks are really not that effective in an actual street fight. After watching many mixed martial arts fights from the UFC and such, most of the kick boxers usually got tackled and pummeled into submission. So they spent many many years doing all these fancy high kicks and for what? They got tackled to the ground in under a minute and submitted or pummeled in the next minute.

     The third part was the point system. When we sparred under the point system , if my opponent supposedly hit me, he got a point. Even if all he did was tap me, he was awarded a point. Now of all the fights I seen, when a person got hit, no referee jumped in and awarded his opponent a point. Secondly, if you tap a person, he is still going to be swinging back at you. And you know why? Because tapping a person does not hurt a person!!! The point system is completely unrealistic way of teaching a person how to fight.  

     So, what kind of people usually end up taking the tae kwon do I described? Pussies. It makes sense that only pussies would take tae kwon do. First, since pussies don't like to get hit, the point system is very appealing to them. I can imagine the conversation after a "grueling" point sparring session would go like this: "Man, I kicked your ass when I was able to tap you in the chest with my unstoppable back fist." And his opponent would say, "Yeah, but you almost left a bruise. Please don't go so hard next time. I took tae kwon do so I would not have to get hurt. "

    Secondly, doing forms to music might appeal to the more effeminate male pussies. You know, the ones that really really like musicals and such.  Of course, tae kwon do seems to be popular with women too. Which makes sense because women are pussies when it comes to fighting.

     So what should you learn if you wanted to learn how to fight? Take boxing for punching. Take Thai kickboxing for leg kicks, elbows, and forearm strikes. Take wrestling for takedowns and how to avoid being taken down. Take grapping to learn ground fighting. Most important, accept the fact that you are going to get hurt in the course of your training.

     Finally, avoid tae kwon do.  

     Open Challenge: I am only 5'4" and 135 pounds but I do know some wrestling. I hereby challenge any tae kwon do specialist who is under 175 pounds to a fight under UFC rules. Because tae kwon do specialists are pussies, I will give you up to a 40 pound advantage over me.  If you defeat me, I will take this article down. If I defeat you, it will show how ineffective your tae kwon do is and I also get to bang your wife or girlfriend.