A Rant of mikecoon

Lies About the Vegetarian Diet

      This article is for the benefit of impressionable children under the age of 12. If you are over 12, please do not read this article.       

     Over that last few decades, there has been many debates over the merits of vegetarian diets as opposed to eating meats. People claim that vegetarians are healthier than those who eat meats. That vegetarians live longer etc etc. And of course, there is the moral high ground that these vegetarians take when they point out things like not eating meats will leave more food for the masses or that killing animals is wrong. Well, I am going to dispel these myths for you. But first it will require that you understand and accept wholeheartedly the following research that was conducted by me on me.

     The most people think of the tongue as a taste organ and speech facilitator. However, the taste function does much more than to provide the person with a pleasurable sensation as he is eating his food. I have discovered that the taste buds in the tongue are intimately linked with the chemistry of the body. When a person begins masticating his food, the taste buds determine the chemical make up of the food and send the information back to the part of the brain that is responsible for taste. The brain than matches the information up against the chemistry of the body and determine if the food is healthy or bad for the individual. If the food is healthy  for the person, the brain that creates a sensation of pleasure about the food, i.e, it makes the food taste good for the person. If the food is unhealthy for the person, the brain makes the food taste bad for the person. Finally, if the food has no real health benefits to a person, the brain makes the food taste bland to that person.

     Think about that for a moment. Think about the huge implications this has for people on diets. The reason that some some food taste good to that individual is because the food is healthy for that individual. The reason that certain foods taste bad for some people is because those foods are actually unhealthy for those people. Finally, the reason that a food may taste bland to a person is because that food has no health benefits to that person. So the broccoli that your mom made you eat that tasted bad to you was actually unhealthy for you to begin with. Your mom was literally poisoning you.  I call this Coon's Law of Taste.

     Another discovery I have made is that a food that is poisonous or bland to you can be made to be healthy to you by smothering it with another food that makes the food taste good. For instance, a salad consisting of veggies that may be bland and thus have no health benefits to you can be made healthy for you by smothering the salad with your favorite salad dressing. In this case, the salad dressing not only neutralized the poisonous effects of the salad but added health benefits to the salad because it taste good. Other such examples include adding butter and cheese to broccoli and spices to tofu. Now lets get back to debunking the myths of the vegetarian diet.

     Myth 1: People on a vegetarian diets have  longer life expectancies than those who eat meat. Wrong. My studies have shown that vegetarians have shorter life spans on average than those who not only eat meat, but those who smoke, drink, do drugs, take steroids, and have unprotected sex. The reason vegetarians die so young is because vegetarians eat food that usually taste bland or taste bad to them and thus are either continuously poisoning themselves or depriving themselves of any health benefits.

     Myth 2: Vegetarians are healthier than those who eat meat because their diet consist of healthier foods. Once again , the only thing that determines the health benefits of a food is its taste. The better tasting the food, the healthier it is. Now you are thinking, "What about all those obese people who eat junk all day?" The answer is they are gluttons, nothing more. If they were to exercise regularly and keep their daily caloric intake under 2500 Calories, they would be slim and healthy. So how come you do not see a fat vegetarian? There are very few fat vegetarians because the foods they eat are either poisonous or has no health benefits to them, so their bodies simply expel it. That is why they are so skinny and puny.

      Like all things, too much of anything is bad for you. Heck, you can even die from drinking too much water. Just think moderation. Regular exercise and a reasonable daily caloric intake of tasty food. will make anyone slim and healthy. Wait, does that mean I could eat only ice cream everyday as long as I exercise regularly and keep to less than 2500 Calories a day? Yes, it does. It is that simple.

     Myth 3: Vegetarians are strong and fit. Wrong, vegetarians are some of the biggest pussies in the world. In fact, most male tae kwan do practitioners are vegetarians. You don't want to be a pussy, do you?

     Myth 4: If everyone went on a vegetarian diet, there would be more food available to feed the starving people of the world. Wrong. It is a fact that it is corrupt governments and mismanagement of resources that accounts for 99.9% of all deaths caused by starvation. The recent famine in North Korea was caused by the government using it resources to build nuclear weapons as opposed to feeding its people.  The other 0.1% is attributed to females trying to become models and actresses.

     Myth 5: It is wrong to eat animals. Wrong, In the book of Genesis, God gave us the right to eat animals right after the Flood. So it is right to eat animals. It is wrong only to  eat animals if the animals belongs to another person and he did not give you permission to eat them.

     In conclusion, with the discovery of Coon's Law of Taste, I have proven beyond a reasonable doubt that vegetarian diets are detrimental to your health. The healthiest people in the world are those that eat food that taste good to them, exercise regularly, and keep their caloric intake to less than 2500 Calories a day.